I’m so embarrassed.

It’s been way too long since my last blog post, and I should have had this (my first newsletter!) written and sent out months ago.

What’s the story?

I took on a full-time job in January (in a bank, dear God, a bank! So. Not. Me.), because I panicked about not having health insurance for myself and my two girls. It’s one thing when it’s me going without. It’s a whole ‘nother thing when two of my kids are without.

The plan was to spool up my business on the side until I felt “comfortable” enough to quit the health-benefit-providing job.

I worked all day at the incredibly stressful bank job - a job that was not suited to me and was sucking the soul out of me. (I’m not kidding.) I came home exhausted with precious little time to work on my dream photography business.

I was tired, disheartened, disorganized, and not getting things done well or in a timely manner. (LOL - See Below)

And I have this problem. It’s called “Fear of Failure.” I suffered with a serious case of it for a long time.

My divorce made my fears 1,000 times worse - I was facing so many unknowns.

But, you know what? I've gotten through some really tough times, and...

I’m claiming back my life.

I've learned a few things over the years:

* Circumstances can change radically in a heartbeat, turning your life upside down. You have to live the life you want when you want it - not “when I get this figured out, or that figured out.”

* I can’t do a job I hate simply for the health benefits. In fact, that’s a sure way to destroy my health.

* A guaranteed way to fail is to hold back and not give it my all - 100%. Or, as Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

* I'd rather fail knowing I gave it my best shot than to not take the risk in the first place.

Here’s what I’m doing:

* Making the decision, letting go of the outcome, and showing up to do the hard work every single day.

* Quitting the self-limiting, negative thinking patterns. (I’m not good enough! This is too complicated! It isn't perfect yet! I'm going to go broke! This is irresponsible!) You know what I’m talkin’ about, right?

* Investing in myself and my business by purchasing a software platform tailored to my specific art-selling and writing desires and needs. (Thank you Art Storefronts)

* Ditching PERFECTION. (This is a tough one. I hate putting something out there with my name on it if it isn’t perfect. But, you know what? Perfection is a mirage and an obstacle, and I'm done letting it get in my way).

* I quit the bank job, and I bought my girls a one-year health insurance plan through their schools.

Am I nervous? A little. This feels like stepping off a cliff. But...I’m also deliriously happy, liberated, and experiencing incredible clarity and focus.

Here I am:

Susan J Photography, LLC - travel and fine-art photographer, writer/blogger

My Other Embarrassment

I had my work hanging on the gallery wall of a funky fun cafe around the corner from me in Cabbagetown back in December.

I gathered email addresses for a print giveaway that I was going to do in January.

I misplaced the email addresses - in my tiny house? Where could they be? They were under some junk in the trunk of my car. Good grief. Embarrassing. But...yeah! I found them!

It’s finally time for the print giveaway. (Not in a very timely manner - see above!)

And the winner is:   Jules C.

Congratulations! You've won a framed copy of the above print Between a Rock and a Hard Place. Enjoy your new print!

I hope y’all will stay with me as I share my journey.

Please feel free to pass this newsletter to a few friends! And stop by my site at www.susanjphotography.com to check it out.

My dad (ever the optimist) said this to me a little while back: “Susan, the last few years you've been living in a storm. But, it seems to me that you’ve been dancing between the raindrops.”

Bye for now...

See you between the raindrops!

Susan